A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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