I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize