I could make wine with my vomit
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize