we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
