Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We had to coat check the pizza.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
