He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
