I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
