but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
worst night to have a conscience
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
