Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
