i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
