i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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