as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
