my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
