That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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