You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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