ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
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