just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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