I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
