the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Randomize
