fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
