Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
