i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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