My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I lost the right to judge tonight
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
