Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This girl is more easily done than said...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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