hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
