All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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