Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
