My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
