If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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