this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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