Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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