i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
