if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
