You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
