we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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