your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
