I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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