I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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