went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
