I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
