I feel great
I just peed on a car
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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