Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
where am i from again
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
