Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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