After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
