Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
