Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
