belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
