I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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