ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
