sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
