Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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