He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
