just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize