He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
