ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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