I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
