I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
