You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
