Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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