Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm too high and old for this...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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