You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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