Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
