saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
