You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
