I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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