singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i think i just lost a toe
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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