Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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