Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
